When we are young kids, every action our parents take has a profound impact on our lives and livelihood for the future. When I was six years old some thirty years ago now when I was coming of age my father of British descent sent a letter to my mother informing her that he intended to divorce our mother via a letter and that we would not be seeing him any longer.
This would be a devastating blow to any child let alone four siblings with a single mother who had to now fend for themselves. Growing up was really tough seeing my struggle through hardships to put on our table. As I grew older trusting in relationships became hard as this trauma was a scar that is not easy to get over when it is such a hard and painful journey upward. It was a challenge even just to study given the housing constraints and noise from the neighbourhood.
Luckily, I strived for something and was always a big dreamer and even in the darkest of days music, dance and my good looks and charm kept me active socially. It is very difficult however to be brought up with financial difficulties and hardship and trying to be cool with your friends thus we develop a defence mechanism and close our emotions deep so that we are protected from the pain that we really truly feel.
When I was nineteen, I decided that film was my calling and never looked back and was lucky enough to work in this amazing industry for many years thanks to a mentor in particular who believed that I had a light and that I could do something with it. For years I tried this however it was not enough as the psychological impact of my childhood had left its scars and it was not an easy ride to say the least as I made many mistakes along the way.
As they, when you stumble you must rise. I just did not know how. Then I met this wonderful individual in my early thirties’ and little did I know that after not believing in marriage for so long that I too could be lucky enough to call her my wife eventually and so it was. The point to this story is that through darkness positive attitude and outlook is everything to overcome loss and find oneself and path to self-actualisation. My marriage did not last very long unfortunately as I had not learnt the right lessons at the right time and I stumbled and made terrible mistakes and thus that also failed but the hard and difficult years of recovery taught nothing but a simple phrase. ‘NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY WITH YOURSELF’ And so the self-searching continues and at different intervals in our lives we will question our motives and existence and I know this all too well but keep the light on in your heart and never give up as when one door closes another brighter path awaits.
I try and have a positive outlook and it is a constant battle with myself as life sometimes throws heavy stuff at us but at the end of the day that is all we can do is ‘Stay Strong, be positive’ and surround yourself with positive people.
I have been so negative with myself and sometimes even friends by just being angry at the world that it just makes you feel worse inside and you end up alienating people. So the pinch of divorce in my view as a child and adult was as per the above but every one has a different experience especially when children are involved. Just don’t worry as around the corner your individual happiness and another potential love to break your heart yet again and awaits and so it goes.
So says the lens of love!